Lots and lots and lots of student work to correct, evaluate, judge, assign a score to, mark up, read, and hand back.
It's all starting to blend into one big miasma.
Yesterday, on the way home, I was sitting at a stop light waiting for the signal to turn green, and I found myself stressing about whether or not I'd be ready enough to move quickly enough to step on the accelerator.
The anxiety went away quickly as I realized how INSANE that is, but the whole thing made me realize, once again, just how much a spaz I really am these days.
I think I was a spaz before I started teaching, but doing this full-time has not helped me relax AT ALL.
I know there are reasons why I overdo it on all fronts. I worry that the powers that be will discover that I am a giant baby and not worthy of the job, or they'll see that I am filled with indecision and laziness, or they'll smack themselves in the forehead and go Oh My God we've been letting this person actually influence the minds of young, reasonably innocent children, and if the parents find out...
Perhaps a nap would help. Or swimming to Maui.
The view of the backyard from my mom's house
That light fixture is now gone, sadly.
2 comments:
the "powers that be" think you are one of the best teachers in the school and that you should relax a little bit. or a lot.
I feel this way too, so you aren't alone.
I think teaching attracts a certain kind of personality--if you really care about the profession (and your students), you are probably going to stress out about whether or not you are qualified, capable, and even worthy of being there.
But teachers are often too hard on themselves. You have to give yourself a break and trust that you are doing enough. It's too easy to believe that we are responsible for everything, but the students, the administration, and, in your case, the parents are also responsible for doing their parts. You don't have to give everything all the time.
My "powers that be" told me to relax and take it down a few notches. I've experimented and tried worrying less, prepping less, spending less time grading, etc. You know what? My students don't know the difference and neither do my colleagues. I think it's just a matter of finding a balance that allows you to serve the students well and feel good about yourself at the same time; that's the only way you can be a teacher and remain sane.
I think you are a fantastic teacher: if you weren't, you wouldn't be writing about your students and your work with such obvious passion and enthusiasm.
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